Define yourself with unconventional choices
“The journey is not about becoming anything, but to unbecoming who you are not.” — Paulo Coelho
I was crushed when I got rejected from law school. As a political science graduate, it felt like the obvious next step. I didn’t know what else to do. For the first time in my life, I had to confront the idea of veering from a conventional career path. So I spent the day mourning the loss of what I thought was my ideal future, and went to bed that night feeling like a failure. What happened next still baffles me.
I woke up the next morning intuitively knowing that I should move to London. The problem was that I was terrified at the thought of going abroad on my own. But I’d had an inexplicable affinity for London ever since I was a child, and when I finally visited the city whilst backpacking at the age of 20, I swore that I would live there at some point in my future. Fast forward four years; and there I was in need of a new direction. I asked myself, “what would I do if fear weren’t a factor in my decision?” Suddenly, opportunity beckoned. With a bit of research, I discovered that I qualified for a UK work visa. At the time, I didn’t know anyone who had worked overseas, so I knew that people would be skeptical about me moving without a job lined up. But I was determined to make it work.
“You can be afraid and still have the courage to do it anyway. — Dhiman
I knew that the only way to confront my self-doubt was with honesty. With that in mind, I proceeded to write down all of the reasons that inspired me to pursue my dream (to have an adventure, meet new people, become more independent, etc.); and at the same, I compiled a list of all of the potential factors that could inhibit its realization (failure, potential loneliness, expensive standard of living, etc.). I then reviewed my options, and negated every reason not to pursue my goal. It suddenly dawned on me that depending on the circumstances, I could fail at my occupational ambitions, or feel just as lonely, anywhere else. This process put my fears in perspective, and justified my decision to go after my dream. I kept this list to reflect upon anytime I needed reassurance in that regard.
Finally, I applied what Jeff Bezos refers to as The Regret Minimization Framework. I asked myself; “30 years from now, would I be more likely to regret having tried and failed to achieve this dream of living in London, or not trying, and always wondering what could have been?” The choice was obvious. I would regret not trying, and that realization was the final motivation that I needed.
I was scared and anxious as I boarded that one-way flight. But I was also very determined. I had promised myself that I would spend a full year trying to realize this dream. I was largely aware that the path I was heading down would be filled with ups and downs; but I also knew that I had to persevere in order to honestly assess whether or not I should stay.
The first month of my journey was the hardest. Without a work or academic community to facilitate my social life, I struggled to meet people. I spent several weeks searching relentlessly for jobs, and a place to live. Then finally, everything swiftly fell into place. I landed a job with an incredible team, and moved into an apartment with three strangers, who quickly became family. I’ll never forget the gratitude that I felt at the time for not having given up on my dream in the preceding weeks.
The following year was racked with character building challenges. There were many highs and lows. One minute I was attending glamorous events like The British Fashion Awards, Royal Ascot, or high-tea at Harrods; and the next I was struggling to make ends meet, dealing with flood damage to my apartment, or adapting to the transient nature of people constantly coming and going in a bustling city. I had to put myself out there day after day, and it was intimidating. However, these situations also created the opportunities of a lifetime. I met people from all over the world. I visited historical cultural landmarks like Stonehenge and Pompei. Most importantly, I learned how to rely on myself, and to ask others for guidance along the way. Thankfully, most people helped me in any way they could. I’ll never forget the kindness of the stranger who helped me wrestle my suitcase onto the tube, nor the individual who offered me directions as I was trying to orient myself with a paper map. Not to mention all of the people who volunteered advice for daily life and getting settled.
Upon reflection, my decision to go to London was a defining moment in my life. I ultimately lived there for two years, then moved on to Sydney, and most recently, Paris. I now understand that when a door closes and all hope fades, our intuition can guide us through the process of “unbecoming who we are not”. Had I truly wanted to go to law school, I could have reapplied. Instead, I overcame my fears to pursue what felt like a much riskier path. There’s nothing like embracing our fear of the unknown to show us what we’re capable of. I proved to myself that where there’s a will, there’s a way; and for all its challenges, my time abroad was one of the most fulfilling experiences that I’ve ever had. It made me who I am today.
Thank you for reading my story. If you’re interested in more tips on personal and professional growth, and connecting with what matters to you, please feel free to connect with me on Twitter and LinkedIn.
